I’ve been thinking, reflecting and having a number of deep conversations which has made me realize there’s a number of things that I probably need to unlearn. A part of me feels this might be applicable to others and I would also love to be held accountable to these changes- here’s my list- enjoy!
- Being persistent when I should quit: There’s a quote I’ve held unto for a long time. “Success achieved through effort, determination and perseverance”. For the most part, I think one of my best qualities is my ability to persevere/ not give up. These days, I’m learning it is okay to give up and let go especially if there isn’t a lot I can do or it isn”t necessary (part of me credits this to my work life). Life is too short to hold unto things I know will mostly not succeed or no longer interest me (ps- this also applies to some drafts I’ve sat on and have struggled to fit into my vision for the blog for a while).
- Apologizing when I am not sorry: I’m usually quick to apologize, because I dislike conflicts. These days, I’m very cautious about what I apologize for. I realize that my feeling bad about a situation is different from me feeling bad for my actions. Rather than saying, “I’m sorry” to solve an issue, I am more specific about what my apology is for. I tend to say things like “I’m sorry if this upsets you” or “I’m sorry about how I worded this statement”. This is also very random too but, in Nigeria we apologize for every single thing- you hear phrases like ‘Sorry, don’t be angry but, can I talk to you’, ‘Sorry, Excuse me please’. That’s really sipped into my daily life and I find myself randomly telling people sorry when I should be saying excuse me or whatever- you get the gist. This one, I’m not keen on- lol.
- Over working myself and not resting as needed (aka Sufferhead mentality): As a kid, I remember adults measuring my illness based off physical symptoms (fever, high temperature, low energy, vomiting, etc). To skip school, I had to have at least one of those symptoms and it had to be pretty severe- haha. Panadol solved ALL our problems. Needless to say, most times when I fall sick, I only take time off work just so I don’t get others sick because I feel there’s still more energy in me. Sometimes, when I call in sick or use my vacation days (for holidays), I feel a sense of guilt because I am not working. I have to constantly remind myself these days exist for a reason and that I actually need to rest.
- Being Late: Whew, the African in me really jumps out here! African time is disrespectful to other people, shows I don’t value their time and also speaks badly about me. Point Blank Period. Unlearn!!
- Acting in the moment with all my emotions in tow: I get really riled up in the moment. When I’m excited, I’m super excited, the same goes with when I’m upset. This isn’t the best trait as I don’t get to process the situation thoroughly. There have been times I have over reacted to an issue or made silly decisions/commitments in the heat (or excitement) of the moment.
- Being too hard on myself: I tend to be very critical with myself which has led to some unhealthy habits. It’s taken a whole lot of self discovery and honesty to acknowledge this and be less critical on myself. I have to keep reminding myself that everyday is another shot at life, it is okay to make mistakes, fail, be imperfect. The world isn’t ending because of my screw ups and neither should I.
That’s it from me. Hope you enjoyed this post. What are some things you are trying to unlearn? Please share with me- look forward to reading from you..